The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
