im six kinds of drunk right now
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
