Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
