Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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