We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
