Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
