Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
