in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
