More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
So many bounce houses so little time
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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