mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
