Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
