apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
