No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
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