Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
it's like iHOP with fire
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
How's work?
Spinning.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
