I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Randomize
