It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize