im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
