Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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