omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize