i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
