I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
