Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize
