i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
