You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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