He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize