i barfeds in our rink
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
