I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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