Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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