I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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