You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize