I wish I could punch you in the face.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
