my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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