In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
