listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
