ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
