Yo dont text me then not text me
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
