You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
not ubering you a puppy
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
