We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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