all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
