I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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