I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
