The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I have feelings that need drinking.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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