U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
i think i just lost a toe
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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