You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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