you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
