I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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