I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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