Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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