You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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