Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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