Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
