i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
