Well apparently he's into motor boating.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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