It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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