this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
