Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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