I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
