and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Well I just put wine in my tea
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I AM VODKA MAN
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
