direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
