she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
