Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
