What a fucking waste of an outfit
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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