I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
