pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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