I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Actions speak louder than pants.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
