Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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