East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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