oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
