I wish my penis had an off switch
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Randomize
