absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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