i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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