one two three fourrrrnication!
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
