Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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