I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
PS: I just woke up from my shower
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
