How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
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