Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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