I look better un-naked...
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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