I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
