That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
