The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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