I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
