I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
