My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
