i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
