Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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