You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
