We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
