my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
